So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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