I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
