ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
