so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
