we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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