it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize