the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
