I wish i was in the wii world.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
