I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize