i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
