you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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