people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
