so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
