He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't turn off my feet"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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