dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
