A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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