my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
