Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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