it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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