oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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