We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she told me i tasted like america
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
