i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
