every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
