Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
