That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
