oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize