I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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