Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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