The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I need moral support for this bender
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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