his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
