You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
