I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize