oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
