Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
