I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
