Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
