I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
