I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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