In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
