first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
