i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
its liver damage thursday
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
