Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
