did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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