He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
