Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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