He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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