so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
