Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
