Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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