Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
