they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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