"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
