It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
