things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
These tits shall not be calmed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
