remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
