I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
