We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
