What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
