that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
