There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
