I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
