There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
