I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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