Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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