When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
