Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
