On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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