Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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