She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize