i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
