Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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