She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize